Hold The Mayo

This week Google Arts and Culture hurts our feelings, we discuss ugly people depicted in paintings, Jay's favorite piece of fine art, Lord Watson, and how to have the most fun at a museum. Then we talk about a fun carpentry mom, the One America Network, Jay's barber shop fiasco, Marie talks about her revisit to "1984", and why we are turning into the movie "Idiocracy". Next Jay rage eats his lunch, describes the opposite pizza ladies, Nate buys Taco Bell for everyone in Marie's office, and we coin the phrase "garbage bag person". And as if that wasn't enough we find out whats going on with Jay's dating life, the kind of women who match with him, and why they use dating apps.

Direct download: HTM_EP_195.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week Marie finds "old book" scented candles on Amazon, Jay eats 7 Baby Ruth candy bars in a row, and Marie tells the tale of her New Years Eve comedy show. Then we talk about the difference between viewing a show from an audiences vantage point vs a performers, crappy audience members, walking away from a concert, and we find out that Marie can't wink. Then Jay and Marie take on new nicknames as "Muddy Buddy & Dusty Shelves", Jay talks about his super old grandfather, and tons of new failed dating stories.

Direct download: HTM_EP_194.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:00am EST

This week we talk about our goals for 2018, which goals we achieved in 2017, and seasonal depression disorder. Then Jay talks about crying at movies, how many films he viewed in 2017, and the Disaster Artist. Then we deep dive into Danish butter cookies, drinking mead, accidentally eating ice cream, and Marie's fat week.



Direct download: HTM_EP_193.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week Marie drops the bomb of all bombs! She's finally met her 2017 goal and done so in amazing fashion! Then Jay talks about the tattoos he got while he was stationed in Pensacola Florida, Marie declares that Bob Ross is the greatest painter of our generation, and she also shares a story about driving on Ambien. The show takes a hard turn when they talk about prison shows, and foreign prisons compared to domestic. We then find out that Marie is an old lady and has a broken body, and there is some hot zinc talk. Jay tells the story of his new wood stove, the chimney debacle, and how handy/strong he is and tells his dates so. And of course Marie won't stop saying hammies.


Direct download: HTM_EP_192.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 4:00am EST

This week we talk about how Jay finds pleasure in intentionally mispronouncing names, bad dad jokes put into action, Nate's (Real American Hero) Birthday dinner, and Marie invents the reverse "that's what she said". Then we get into the "garbage dinner" video, people ordering from the kids menu, and the crazy lady at Jay's work who refuses to leave her home town. Marie receives an early Christmas present, we update our diets, and Jay loses his mind and has a complete meltdown about putting things on sliced bread.

Direct download: HTM_191.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 4:00am EST

This week we explain why last weeks show cut off so suddenly. Then Jay jumps right into the bird poop story he started last week. Then we talk bleached buttholes, we share our weight loss stories, and Jay gets the worst headache in the world.  Marie admits to being all of the lazy, she also quits smoking, and we find out what a gym-betweener is. And Jay talks about being recognized at a comedy club, and his dad finally comes to see him perform in front of a sold out crowd.

Direct download: HTM_EP_190.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week we jump right into Elvis' career in Las Vegas, Celine Dion, huge productions, Maries eating binge, and we start a new weight loss challenge! We also talk about working out, Jay finds the Russian exchange student that lived with Marie in the 80's, we find out what toy Marie ate, which toy Jay lost, and we all find out the answer to the age old question "why is it smell in here". We eventually touch on basketball shorts, 90's tattoos, how we truly explain our relationship (not friends), and Jay eludes to whats going on in his dating life.

Direct download: HTM_EP_189.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week Marie starts with breaking news, organic turkey, hosting Thanksgiving, naps, to-go plates, and dog farts. Jay talks about having to read in public, sexual abuse, mental health issues, and repressed memories. Then they talk about laughing too hard, arguing about tv vs streaming, oil paintings, being a minimalist, Christmas pictures, and of course pubes.

Direct download: HTM_EP_188.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week Marie goes car shopping at the grifters, Jay looses his mind about sandwich shops, drinks fart water, and Marie has to deal with a "new restaurant teen". Marie bestows the position of "Prince of Meats" to Jay, we find out what a shingle teen is, and Jays word salad is transferred. Jay calls out ignorant jerks from Boston, Dorris flies the coop to Florida, we discuss visiting family vs vacations, and we agree that you should always improv life

Direct download: HTM_EP_187.mp3
Category:Comedy, general, music, sports -- posted at: 5:00am EST

This week Marie gets rear ended on the highway, Jay recants his drive from the Hold The Mayo Podcast Studios to Florida, a ton of roadkill is observed, and we invent a solution to roadkill called "Wildlife Management Specialists". We also complain about old people trying to use iPhones, what happens to people who live in gated communities, and Jay gives a less than stellar review of his favorite bands newest album.

Direct download: HTM_EP_186.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:00am EST